When asked about a takeaway from my writing retreat, a participant bravely stated (with a slight break in her voice), “Right now I feel I don’t suck!”
Sheesh, did that make my heart expand 3xs! That my work could contribute to this acceptance, this belief… Wow, am I grateful.
I’ve been thinking a lot about it, because, come on, don’t we all sometimes feel we suck? Recently I taught a class that sucked. It was on endings, and try as I might to be helpful, to give advice, to share wonderful examples that I found successful, I could not connect. The more I yakked on about what works at the end of a novel or story–resolution, shapeliness, truth revealed, expectations subverted–the more I sucked! Everyone left the zoom room exhausted.Aren’t we all just beat when we fail? We keep straining and trying and sometimes it just doesn’t hit. I have neither an answer, nor a proposal to make things different. I’m not here to solve, just to normalize. Sometimes we suck. That has to be okay. Sometimes we find a community or a pal that says, you are wonderful as is! I believe in you! And then we feel we don’t suck. Maybe, can we befriend ourselves and be okay with the gaff? I wish you many, many suck-free moments.
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Anyone in a book group? Anyone actually talk more about the books than drink wine and share about their lives? (BTW, I have no ill feelings about drinking wine and sharing about one’s life.)
Currently I’m leading a book discussion group about Deborah Levy’s Living Autobiography series. Y’all, I love being in a room, zoom or otherwise, with people who want to share joy, frustration, curiosity, about their reading life. Now that winter rain is lurking, I’m looking for book group advice. Drop me a line if you have a moment. I’d love to hear what makes your book group zing, what books have spurred fantastic conversations?
I’m reading Celeste Ng’s newest novel, OUR MISSING HEARTS, which is frightening. Set in what seems to be now, it’s about living in a police state where anti-Asian hate crimes flourish, book banning is expected, and children are re-homed. (Another book that explores a totalitarian police state is Philip Roth’s, THE PLOT AGAINST AMERICA, with perhaps one of the most sorrowful scenes of a child eating cereal that I’ve ever read and will never forget.)
The main character in Ng’s novel is twelve-year-old Bird, touching and naïve as he goes off in search of his poet mother who has left him behind with his father. The novel explores motherhood and responsibility. Is it a mother’s job to secure safety for children just within the walls of home, or must we go into the world to try to secure safety for all children? How much can we do? I’m just halfway into the novel and I’m wrapped up in the story.
Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you can find many of the books I’ve recommend in the newsletter.
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At the recent retreat.write.energize., a participant (did I mention she’s terrific?) who’d just finished up a long project asked, “How do you start something new? Do you have any advice for how to jump in?” I wanted to offer something meaningful and truthful. My first thought, “How should I know?” Once we got past the usual list of characters, desires, obstacles, setting, tension, I quietly sat for a moment longer and then added, “You’ve got to love your characters.”
Hold up, before you get excited, note I didn’t say your characters have to be loveable, I said you must love your characters. And by love, I mean you must believe in their f*cked-up humanity. You must be curious about them, make them multi-dimensional. The world is a very interesting place. Life is interesting. If you don’t love your characters enough to let them be bad actors, to recognize shreds of your own vanity, pettiness, and selfishness in them, and to love them anyway, I think you’ll have a hard time sustaining the long haul of writing a book. You must be accepting of the contradictions in people. The difficulties or weird things about people, the things that make them unhappy or unkind, the things that paralyze them, those are the things that make them stellar characters, not problems to be solved.
Extrapolating from that position…if we are able to love our characters, if we are agreeable with Charles Baxter’s assessment that, “Characters are under no obligation to be good, they just have to be interesting,” then perhaps we will find ourselves a little (a tiny bit?) more tolerant of one another in the world. We’re flexing our muscles of understanding and insight and we’re remaining curious.
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My poor husband is looking ahead to a bleak winter of joint replacement surgeries. We are going to be housebound for a good bit of time and won’t be traveling to be with family for Thanksgiving. Which is sad, sad, sad. In an effort to make things fun and interesting, I’m tossing out the traditional Thanksgiving feast because, well imperialism and historical misrepresentation…
On Instagram last year I read about someone who celebrates Hanksgiving and that’s what we’re going to do. This person, I wish I could remember who, makes an enormous Indian Feast and binges Tom Hanks movies with her family. I’m kind of excited! I’m hoping for a super rainy, super cozy day. I’m thinking about butter turkey, dahl, winter squash korma, sag paneer, basmati rice, and yes, okay, pumpkin pie.
Here’s the BUTTER CHICKEN recipe I will morph into Butter Turkey:
MARINADE
- ½c whole-milk Greek yogurt
- 1t fenugreek seeds (optional)
- 4 garlic cloves, grated
- 1T finely grated ginger
- 2t kosher salt
- 2lbs boneless, skinless chicken thighs (As mentioned above, I’m going to swap out for turkey)
SAUCE
- ½ c (1 stick) unsalted butter, divided
- 1 3-inch cinnamon stick
- 5 green cardamom pods
- 1 whole clove
- 2 t fenugreek seeds (optional)
- 2 med onions, sliced
- 2 serrano chiles, split lengthwise
- Kosher salt
- 4 garlic cloves, grated
- 1 T finely grated ginger
- 1 T garam masala
- 1 t paprika
- ½ t ground turmeric
- 2 28-ounce cans whole peeled tomatoes
- ½ c heavy cream
- Chopped cilantro, steamed basmati rice, and naan (for serving)
MARINADE
Whisk yogurt, garlic, fenugreek, if using, ginger, and salt in a medium bowl. Add chicken and toss to coat. Cover and chill at least 1 hour and up to 3.
SAUCE AND ASSEMBLY
Step 1
Melt 4 Tbsp. butter in a large wide pot over medium heat. Cook cinnamon, cardamom pods, clove, and fenugreek seeds, if using, stirring, until slightly darker and fragrant, 1–2 minutes. Add onion and chiles, season with salt, and cook, stirring occasionally, until onion is golden and beginning to caramelize, 8–10 minutes. Add garlic and ginger and cook, stirring, until very fragrant and ginger starts to turn golden and sticks to bottom of pot, 2–3 minutes. Add garam masala, paprika, and turmeric and cook, stirring, until very fragrant, about 1 minute. Add tomatoes, breaking up into pieces with a spoon, and cook until brick red and most of the liquid is evaporated, about 1 minute. Using a potato masher or large spoon, smash tomatoes and continue to simmer, uncovered, until sauce is the consistency of a thick ragù, 40–50 minutes. Discard cinnamon stick (leave other whole spices).
Step 2
Transfer mixture to a blender and purée until smooth. Cut remaining 4 Tbsp. butter into pieces. Add butter and cream to blender and purée until creamy; season with salt. Return sauce to pot and bring to a simmer.
Step 3
Meanwhile, preheat broiler. Arrange chicken in a single layer on a wire rack set inside a foil-lined rimmed baking sheet. Broil until chicken starts to brown in spots (it will not be cooked through), 7–8 minutes per side. When cool enough to handle, cut into ¾” pieces. Add chicken to simmering sauce, cover, and cook until chicken is cooked through, 8–10 minutes.
Step 4
Top chicken and sauce with cilantro. Serve with rice and naan alongside.
Do Ahead: Butter chicken can be made 3 days ahead. Let cool; cover and chill.
And, if you have a favorite Tom Hanks movie we shouldn’t miss, drop me a line, I’m queueing up the viewing list.
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A little program note: I’ve been writing and sharing what I love for nearly 3 years! I love it and many of you write to let me know how much you enjoy my thoughts and recommendations, and for that I am truly grateful. Honestly, it makes my day to hear from readers. Also, it takes time and consideration to put my thoughts together twice a month. Maybe you’d like to show appreciation buy clicking below:
buy me a cup of coffee!☕️
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