In the days leading up to my nothing-burger of a birthday (61), I had a scare. My annual exam was fine except for cholesterol, and then about ten days later I got a MyHealth alert. I hate alerts! I feel like MyHealth knows terrifying things about me. This alert supported my fear, a horrifying blood test result (when you’re a cancer survivor, any bad result hits so hard), for a test my doctor didn’t order. Being a slightly woo-woo person, I thought the universe was taking care of me, you know, performing this test to reveal something god-awful so I could deal with it in time. Thanks, Universe?
My doctor said it made no sense. “Go on your birthday vacation,” she said. “Enjoy yourself and we’ll deal when you return.”
Wrong results were attached to my chart. Was it just a miscalculation, or did the results belong to someone else? I was happy for me, sad for whoever may have bad news coming. (Which reminds me of a T. Coraghessan Boyle story, which you can read here or listen to Lionel Shriver read here. The story grabs you by the lapels and won’t let go.)
Why am I telling you this? Because I seriously want to know if you are good at compartmentalizing. Can you push back potentially devastating news and keep on keeping on? Will you teach me how? Also, don’t forget to notice the beautiful bananas. Don’t forget to practice kärt besvär.
read
Do you know about Read Like the Wind newsletter from the New York Times? If you don’t, please seek it out. I love Molly Young’s voice and her quirky selections.
With a nod to her style, I’m going to suggest two books from my past that changed me, inspired me, and made me feel less alone.
COME TO ME, by Amy Bloom, has one of my all-time favorite stories, “Love is Not a Pie,” which is about the capacious nature of the human heart. Gosh, I’m tearing up just thinking about all that love. This collection, as well as Bloom’s, A BLIND MAN CAN SEE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, filled me with yearning to write funny stories about passion with recurring characters because once I fall in love with someone, fictional or IRL, I want to meet them again and again. If you like the idea of a story that begins at a funeral and ends at a card game, this is for you.
EXQUISITE PAIN, by the French artist, Sophie Calle, is an instillation in book form. Calle writes of a terrible moment in her youth, when her heart was broken by a man who failed to show up. How does one get over extravagant loss? The book begins with a countdown to her broken heart (as in “69 days to my unhappiness”) and then pivots to a counting up to her return to less naïve happiness. On each page, Calle repeats her story, the same way I (and maybe you) obsess over our pain. She begins to include stories of strangers’ extravagant losses. Her aloneness and her pain lessen. The book is gorgeous, and terribly expensive. If you can find it at a library, please check it out. Read more about it here. If you believe there is kinship in despair if you seek to feel less like a freak in your foibles, sorrows, and quirks, Sophie Calle is for you.
Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you will find many of the books I’ve recommended in the newsletter. Buying books from my shop is another way you can support my newsletter.
write
Since I last wrote you I had a rejection of an essay for which I feel a particular fondness. It’s about women-on-women cruelty, my bad actions, mothers/daughters, and repair. And, like Calle, it’s about the kinship of despair. I tell you this because rejections are hard. I know you know.
I also had a story accepted. I feel a particular fondness for the story and the main character, Trina, who is in her early fifties, newly divorced, and embarking upon a new dating life. The story is about vulnerability, how we expose ourselves literally and figuratively to new people. Trina is a recurring character in my collection (seeking a home soon!). The first story I wrote about her was published in Zyzzyva Magazine.
Why am I telling you this? Because I felt joy and frustration about my work in a matter of days.
Russell Banks has advice:
If you are looking for a writing workshop in which to share your work, grow and learn, hang with amazing smart writers, please message me as I’ve got seats available.
Also, I have space for spring editorial projects. Check my editorial page here. We may be a good fit.
- My undying affection
- A token of thanks. A sweet read.write.retreat. sticker to affix to a journal, your dog, or anything.
|
eat
Sheesh! After that write section, I feel like I should tell you to go imbibe your fav beverage and scarf some French fries. Instead I will offer this beloved (can’t you tell by the stains!) family cookie recipe:
xN
