she ruined my 20s and now she’s back? + 10 excellent writing ideas

By

Are you kidding me? She ruined my twenties and now she’s back?

 

 

So, I perused the New York Times list of 93 Stylish People of 2022. And lo, there was Martha Stewart. That woman! (I did soften to her after, you know…jail, and Snoop Dog) But here she is again with her deep pockets, beautiful taste, and impossible standards, all set to ruin aging by peddling elite Japanese skincare products ($550 for moisturizer). I’m all for age representation, but come on, enough with the photo shop expertise that belittles real life. Dewy and youthful Martha? I even peeked at her insta, and I’m out. (Or am I? something about that incredulous frisson, that moment when I get to have a bzzz of “come on!?!” It’s kind of addicting!)

 

Which brings me to Instagram and why I’m on it. Sure we all curate our lives to look full and happy and colorful. And yes, sometimes as I scroll I feel a little bit less. Less lucky, less happy, less connected. But today I had a change of heart. I decided to remember that behind every post, there are a bazillion ‘less’ moments for everyone. I use my insta as a gratitude journal. And I’m viewing your Instagram as the same. Look at the moments we get to be happy about!

 

 


read

Nothing says holidays like death! Nah, just kidding, but I did just read these two books, both lovely in their own way, and both about death.

LOST & FOUND,  by Kathryn Schulz is an elegant meditation on losing those we love and on finding love. In the first half of the memoir Schulz tells us about her father, his death, and the present absence she feels. She talks about all kinds of loss, but of course the ultimate loss we will all face. The second half of the book is about finding our person, finding love and it too is a beautiful meditation, full of life and love and hope.

ALL MY PUNY SORROWS, by Miriam Toews, is about the horrible pain and shame of not wanting to be alive, and how sometimes all a person wants is to escape. The novel is, yes, very funny. And yes, Toews says it hews very closely to the story of her sister’s suicide. I am an only child, and I wish wish wish I had a sister—devoted, angry, confused, funny, kind—as Miriam Toews. This book was a joy to read.

 

Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you can find many of the books I’ve recommend in the newsletter.

 



write

In my last newsletter I gave you my top ten reads from this year, and their loosely linked cousins. If you missed it you can find it here. This time around I’m giving you a top eleven writing prompts, books, series, and inspiring people from whom you could take a class.

Prompts:

“I just made the biggest mistake of my life, and if I tell it to you, that means it really happened.” Put those words in the mouth of your character, or yourself in a section of your memoir. Is it hyperbole? Or is it a true cringeworthy, head clutching moment? Go, go, go….!

When did you know IT was over? (This question forces you, or your character, to face the adjacent and very important question, what is IT?)

Good God! In the messy stew of your characters’ lives, or in your life (and for the sake of your book I hope there is plenty of mess), what is a plausible reason for hope? What did you, or your character, cling to that saw them through? Dreams of forgiveness? Success? Love? What?

This quick list, from Elissa Bassist whom you will meet in a sec, is terrific. Without pause, without over thinking, write down the TEN MOVIE SCENES that will be included in the bio-pic about you or your character. You only get ten! Winnow. What is important? What stands out? Go, go, go…!

Teachers/Coaches:

This year I’ve taken two classes from Elissa Bassist. Okay, she’s terrific. In her class, Funny Personal Essays, I wrote a piece about the tragicomic experience of taking my mother for a cognitive test and it’s been picked up! (Hooray! Stay tuned for the link in the next newsletter.) Elissa is smart, honest, kind, and kinda ruthless. She gives great advice. She also wrote a terrific book, HYSTERICAL, that you should read.  And she has a Yorkie named Benny!

If you need a coach, a cheerleader in the best possible sense, someone who knows a ton about our brains and how we sabotage ourselves, Jen Louden is a good person to have on your side. She is full of energy, full of ideas, will motivate your ass to get to your desk, to commit to your voice, your work, and to hush up the inner-critic (as my Peloton teacher Cody Rigsby says, “Hot people don’t have time for negative self-talk, and you are hot!”)

Books on Writing:

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE, Charles Baxter. I have nothing to say except if you haven’t read this book, you should probably stop reading my newsletter, grab a sharpie and a notebook in which to take many notes, and read Baxter’s book instead. His newest collection of essays on writing, WONDERLAND, is on the top of my TBR pile.

CURIOUS ATTRACTIONS, by Debra Spark. These essays come from lectures Spark gave at Warren Wilson’s MFA program. They are smart, engaging, often funny, and taught me a ton. I have assigned many of them to my students. She also has a new collection of writing essays, AND THEN SOMETHING HAPPENED. Check them both.

A value-add for the books? They have quotes and references to plain-old wonderful literature. These two books will spin you out into the world for wonderful reading. So, be certain to check the notes to give yourself a great TBR pile.

Weird Ideas (things to skim, read, and consider that may help your writing and your curiosity):

For inspiration and new ideas, check these from New York Times: the series, The World Through a Lens, offers quirky, in-depth looks at small corners… like Mainers who subsist on seasonal work, a general store in Montana, and circus workers on cruise ships. Also from the NYTs check these weird and tiny interludes for story ideas (okay, it is hit and miss, but sometimes there is a gem!), Metropolitan Diaries. Another series from the NYTs is How I Hold it Together, a series of guides about stress and what people do to alleviate their woes. I find it great inspiration for when I’m thinking about how characters move through the world. I guess the message here is, THERE ARE WRITING PROMPTS AND IDEAS ALL AROUND YOU, STAY OPEN!

Newsletters:

George Saunders’s, Story Club, is terrific. He is not only making us all better writers, but better humans as well.

Advice:

From Ray Bradbury: Read a story, an essay, and a poem every night to spur and inspire your creativity. You will never run out of ideas.

 



eat

This delicious bowl-dinner is the perfect remedy to cookies and eggnog!

Miso Blackened Salmon (from the Wandering Chickpea)

Ingredients:

  • 1lb salmon, cut into filets
  • ¼ c soy sauce
  • 2T honey
  • 1T white miso paste
  • 1T  olive oil
  • 1 garlic clove, minced
  • Juice from 1 lime
  • Black rice is excellent, but brown is good too!

For the Cucumber Salad:

  • 1 English cucumber, sliced
  • 4 green onions, sliced
  • 2T chopped cilantro
  • 1/3c plain Greek yogurt
  • 1T olive oil
  • 1t sugar
  • Juice and zest from 1 lime
  • Salt to taste
  1. In a small bowl, whisk soy sauce, honey, miso, olive oil, garlic and lime juice. Pour 3/4 of the marinade into a shallow dish and place the salmon. Marinate for 15-20 minutes.
  2. Meanwhile, make the cucumber salad. Combine all ingredients in a large bowl. Taste for salt and add more as needed.
  3. To cook the salmon, preheat the broiler and place an oven rack 6 inches below the heating element.
  4. Place the salmon filets on a broil pan or foil lined baking sheet and cook for 6-8 minutes until no longer opaque and slightly blackened on top.
  5. Brush the remaining marinade over the cooked salmon. Serve fresh with the cucumber salad and a side of black rice if desired.

 

A little program note: I’ve been writing and sharing what I love for nearly 3 years! I love it and many of you write to let me know how much you enjoy my thoughts and recommendations, and for that I am truly grateful. Honestly, it makes my day to hear from readers. Also, it takes time and consideration to put my thoughts together twice a month. Maybe you’d like to show appreciation buy clicking below:

buy me a cup of coffee!☕️

 

**********

Stanley’s loving the short and crispy afternoons! Here’s his photo for the dating Apps.
Please, remember to tell your people you love them,
xN

to-do list? you are dead to me! + 10 books of 2022

By

In a recent post from The Isolation Journals, a prompt suggested instead of writing unending To-Do lists, we consider writing To-Feel  lists. If you know me even a little bit, you know I’m on it!

What’s a To-Feel  list? Write down what you’d like to be feeling, and then make a To-Do  list to get you to the desired feelings. My To-Feel  list:

  • Excited
  • Connected
  • Light
So much better than laundry, market, make dermatology appt.

For me to feel excited I need something to look forward to. We’re in the midst of some heavy-duty recovery here, my husband enduring his joint-replacement winter, so we’re somewhat limited in immediate plans. I’m looking forward to teaching at the Come to Your Senses Writing Retreat in June, but that seems forever away. What about now, petulant me whines? Small plans—a wine bar date with a friend is a mini thing I can look forward to and has the value add of feeling connected. A matinee with buttery popcorn? Sure! A chilly hike? I’d love to.

A recent light hearted moment was delivering Thanksgiving dinner to a family in the teeth of RSV–baby, toddler, mom and dad. Such an easy thing to do and lifted their spirits and mine. Currently seeking another way I can be of service to welcome that light heart feeling. (FYI, I also went a little early and over the top with holiday lights outside my home…)

 

 

A side bar to this thought exercise, I now know what my new year resolution will be: make more friends—an action I can take that will help me feel all the feels on my list.

How about you all? I’d love to know your To-Feel  list.


read

Ta Da!! In no specific order, I offer the Top Ten Books I enjoyed this year (+ their distant cousins, or books I’ve loved in the past—my own algorithm):

ALIVE AT THE END OF THE WORLD, Saeed Jones + CITIZEN, Claudia Rankine
Both of these books are unflinching. Both stare at the world with incredulity, anger, and humor. Both play with form, including poetry, storytelling and collage.

THE FAMILY CHAO, Lan Samantha Chang + LA ROSE, Louise Erdrich
Family is complicated, elastic, harmful and powerful. I know! I sound so trite, as if we don’t all have the scars to prove it. These two novels show us what family can endure.

LESSONS IN CHEMISTRY, Bonnie Garmus + FOREIGN AFFAIRS, Alison Lurie
What book is not uplifted by a full-throated dog? Both novels have fantastic protagonists as well as a delightful serving of unforgettable secondary characters. Really joyful, funny, and smart.

BODY WORK, Melissa Febos + THINGS I DON’T WANT TO KNOW, Deborah Levy
Febos and Levy are tremendous thinkers, and both books reveal and challenge expectations and limits society places on women. How do we continue to love ourselves and demand respect in a world that undermines women?

LOVE IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, Daniela Krien + SUNSTROKE, Tessa Hadley
Short stories (the first book is linked) about love, young children, fidelity and sexual politics. Krien is German, Hadley is British, just fyi.

CALYPSO, David Sedaris + DON’T GET TOO COMFORTABLE, David Rakoff
Two very distinctive, smart, opinionated, and funny voices with much to say about all of us, our families, and our world.

HORSE, Geraldine Brooks + GREAT CIRCLE, Maggie Shipstead
Big, expansive novels that elegantly shift between the present and the distant past, plus teach the reader about something new, the relationship between slavery and horse racing in one, and circumnavigation of the globe by small plane in the other.

GIRLS’ GUIDE TO HUNTING AND FISHING, Melissa Bank + VICTORY OVER JAPAN, Ellen Gilchrist
Humor, foibles of young women learning about love, distinctive voices, loss, death, and coming of age? Both of these story collections have it all. And, both of them made me want to be a writer.

CRANE WIFE, CJ Hauser + HOW TO BE A WOMAN, Caitlin Moran + I FEEL BAD ABOUT MY NECK,  Nora Ephron + DIALOGUES WITH RISING TIDES, Kelli Russell Agodon
The world is sometimes an asshole! And, we can laugh about it, learn from it, and continue to thrive. Boundaries are sexy! These are a few of the things I learned from these four books.

LESS IS LOST, Andrew Sean Greer + LESS, by Andrew Sean Greer
Both hilarious and delightful.
 

Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you can find many of the books I’ve recommend in the newsletter.

 



write

As I mentioned we are deep in “getting well” territory here at chez Serber. My terrific family sent us a game for entertainment as we’re spending a lot of time indoors…together.

WHERE SHOULD WE BEGIN, from the couple’s therapist, Esther Perel, is one of those ask deep questions to get to know your friends, partners, and family better. Okay, not going to lie, they scare the crap out of me. I’m always afraid I will reveal too much and upset someone, or learn too much and have to hide how upset I feel. (Okay, we played it and it was a blast, no one was harmed.)

But here is the value add: what a tremendous writing tool. There are a bazillion cards in the box, all of which can help you delve into character and get things interesting on the page. For example:

  • I hope you never find out about the time…
  • I lose all willpower when it comes to…
  • The worst dinner party I’ve ever attended…
  • A grudge I’ve been holding on to…
  • I’ll never forget about the time I lied…

Of course, as a writing tool you can replace the “I” with a character name, or if you’re writing memoir, keep it about you. Do you know a writer who needs a wonderful holiday gift? This could be perfect.

 

 

 



eat

We have been participating in a terrific CSA (community supported agriculture) and I’ve learned so much about vegetables I usually pass by in the produce section. Like rutabagas! They’re hard, usually they’re heaped up without their greens attached so I wonder how old and woody are they? But I received a few in my bag the other day, along with instructions from the farmer. Below is my version of their great idea.
  1. Peel and dice 2 rutabagas to about ½ inch cubes. Toss with olive oil and roast at 400 degrees until they are just tender. (don’t over cook them!)
  2. While the rutabagas are in the oven, dice one medium shallot and sauté with a glug of olive oil in a large cast iron pan.
  3. Add about 1 pound of freshly washed spinach, it’s okay if it has water clinging to the leaves but try to shake most of the droplets off before cooking.
  4. Do not cook all the way. You want some spinach wilted and some barely wilted. Not raw, just as if the spinach had a fling with the hot pan.
  5. Toast ½ cup of walnuts in the hot oven. Be careful and attentive, you don’t want to burn them, they’re expensive and burnt walnuts are terribly bitter.
  6. Arrange on a platter the bed of spinach, the roasted rutabagas, crumbled feta (the freshest you can find, I like sheep’s milk), and the toasted walnuts. Splash with a tiny bit of sherry vinegar

Feel free to use beets, which I have done with great success, as well as turnips. If you do switch up the root vegetable, include the beet and/or turnip greens with the spinach. Delicious and I swear the meal is making my husband heal more swiftly.

A little program note: I’ve been writing and sharing what I love for nearly 3 years! I love it and many of you write to let me know how much you enjoy my thoughts and recommendations, and for that I am truly grateful. Honestly, it makes my day to hear from readers. Also, it takes time and consideration to put my thoughts together twice a month. Maybe you’d like to show appreciation buy clicking below:

buy me a cup of coffee!☕️

 

**********

Stanley’s loving the short and crispy afternoons! Here’s his photo for the dating Apps.
Please, remember to tell your people you love them,
xN

when I play the accordion everybody dances

By

I wanted to give you a tiny gift. I don’t know about you, but I’m in need of distractions right about now. I’m keeping my chitchat to a minimum and sending along diversions from news of the world. I’m writing this on Sunday night and have no idea how things will turn out on Tuesday. Some of us are guaranteed to be unhappy.

Maybe this little list will offer you some uplift. And, this little sidewalk collage. Gosh, I sure hope so.

 

 


read

THE MARRIAGE PORTRAIT, by Maggie O’Farrell is all things wonderful. If you want to be transported to another time and place, Italy in 1561, if you enjoy vivid and intense feelings, being consumed by an intricate and propulsive plot, this is the novel for you. The gorgeous Arno river, Italian light on the landscape and architecture, white mules with incredibly long manes, forests and fen, loneliness and love, pageantry and barbaric actions, it’s all here. Honestly, I couldn’t put this novel down. And, if you’ve not read O’Farrell’s novel HAMNET, I envy you! It is beautiful, gripping, and one of the best depictions of grief I’ve ever read. I am putting her memoir, I AM, I AM, I AM: SEVENTEEN BRUSHES WITH DEATH, on my TBR list.

TOMORROW, AND TOMORROW, AND TOMORROW, by Gabrielle Zevin, is (thus far, I’m halfway through) equally as compelling and equally other worldly. Set in the 1990s in Boston and LA, spanning thirty years, the novel is about friendship, physical suffering, betrayals in love and life, and (hello?) gaming. I am a n00b and know as much about gaming as I do about phlebotomy! And I love learning about new things. The main characters, Sam and Sadie, are best friends, colleagues and collaborators in a wildly successful video game called, “Ichigo.” The novel does a beautiful job depicting creative passion. How lucky these two are to be so driven! And, because this is fiction, because we need tension, something nefarious is on the horizon. I can’t wait to survive whatever it is with them.

ALIVE AT THE END OF THE WORLD, by Saeed Jones, is bold and ruthless and hilarious. I was lucky to see Saeed Jones on a panel last weekend at the Portland Book Festival. He said many wise and funny things. He, or maybe the moderator of his panel, said of his poems, “they bring catastrophic laughter,” and “the book has its own anxiety medication prescription.” This is how he left us, “This is real. This is bad. But get the fuck up. Not everyone has the luxury to lie around.” If you’ve not read his memoir, HOW WE FIGHT FOR OUR LIVES, I hope you’ll check it out. In it Jones tells us, “The ‘I’ it seems doesn’t exist until we are able to say, ‘I am no longer yours.'”

 

Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you can find many of the books I’ve recommend in the newsletter.

 



write

Along with Saeed Jones I was lucky to hear George Saunders (LIBERATION DAY)  and Jess Walters (THE ANGEL OF ROME) speak about short stories at the Portland Book Festival. They were smart, funny and a balm to my worried self. Here are a couple of lovely quotes that may see you through the week. (I was writing as fast as I could, so I may have mixed up a word here or there, but the intention is true.)

On tone, or modus operandi:

  • GS: “I write from a place of good-natured pluckiness.”  
  • JW: “I write from a place of wistful hopefulness.” 
  • GS: “To work out of affection is better than working out of agitation.”
  • GS: “I don’t get to be who I want to be; I have to be who I am. I want to be Bach, but when I pick up the accordion, everybody dances.” 

 On revision: 

  • GS: “I have faith that if I apply my subconscious to it over and over I will spit something out of value.” 

 On putting together a short story collection: 

  • JW: “I have to decide if it’s a yard sale or a concept album.”

 During these difficult times I feel:

  • GS: “Responsibility of connecting with readers is more essential post-pandemic. The world is falling apart and yet…there is Chekov. Literature is not a fading sideshow. A reader and writer meet over a made object, a book. If they keep asking, what is true? What is true? If they can land there (at truth) that is beautiful.” 
  • JW: “Reading literature, getting past systemic issues and seeing what it is to be human, lonely, misunderstood, unable to connect with people…when I read of loneliness it always strikes me as true. Social Media hasn’t helped us.(This line got a HUGE sardonic laugh!) Lonely is how many of us feel.…communion between reader and writer is highlighted and I feel more grateful than ever for my readers.” 

 

 



eat

Sweet and salty things are comforting, yes? Here is my favorite comfort snack that doesn’t have to choose one or the other, it embraces both! Kinda like this (but better)!
  • Buy yourself a beautiful loaf of bread. Something hearty, mixed grain, chewy, and sour.
  • Cut a giant slice… really, just cut a slab.
  • Toast it to your specifications.
  • Slather with delicious butter, the best you can find and don’t be meager. I like this.
  • Spread with honey. This is my favorite brand
  • Sprinkle with flaky salt. I like this brand.In fact, I like this salt so much, I travel with it.
  • Repeat as often as necessary.
If you just want to order in ice cream, try Jeni’s. I sent it to family members that were sick with covid and I do believe it was a hit.

A little program note: I’ve been writing and sharing what I love for nearly 3 years! I love it and many of you write to let me know how much you enjoy my thoughts and recommendations, and for that I am truly grateful. Honestly, it makes my day to hear from readers. Also, it takes time and consideration to put my thoughts together twice a month. Maybe you’d like to show appreciation buy clicking below:

buy me a cup of coffee!☕️

 

**********

Thank Goodness for Stanley!
Please, remember to tell your people you love them,
xN

right now I feel I don’t suck

By

When asked about a takeaway from my writing retreat, a participant bravely stated (with a slight break in her voice), “Right now I feel I don’t suck!” 

Sheesh, did that make my heart expand 3xs! That my work could contribute to this acceptance, this belief… Wow, am I grateful. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about it, because, come on, don’t we all sometimes feel we suck? Recently I taught a class that sucked. It was on endings, and try as I might to be helpful, to give advice, to share wonderful examples that I found successful, I could not connect. The more I yakked on about what works at the end of a novel or story–resolution, shapeliness, truth revealed, expectations subverted–the more I sucked! Everyone left the zoom room exhausted.Aren’t we all just beat when we fail? We keep straining and trying and sometimes it just doesn’t hit. I have neither an answer, nor a proposal to make things different. I’m not here to solve, just to normalize. Sometimes we suck. That has to be okay. Sometimes we find a community or a pal that says, you are wonderful as is! I believe in you! And then we feel we don’t suck. Maybe, can we befriend ourselves and be okay with the gaff? I wish you many, many suck-free moments.

 

 


read

Anyone in a book group? Anyone actually talk more about the books than drink wine and share about their lives? (BTW, I have no ill feelings about drinking wine and sharing about one’s life.)

Currently I’m leading a book discussion group about Deborah Levy’s Living Autobiography series. Y’all, I love being in a room, zoom or otherwise, with people who want to share joy, frustration, curiosity, about their reading life. Now that winter rain is lurking, I’m looking for book group advice. Drop me a line if you have a moment. I’d love to hear what makes your book group zing, what books have spurred fantastic conversations?

I’m reading Celeste Ng’s newest novel, OUR MISSING HEARTS, which is frightening. Set in what seems to be now, it’s about living in a police state where anti-Asian hate crimes flourish, book banning is expected, and children are re-homed. (Another book that explores a totalitarian police state is Philip Roth’s, THE PLOT AGAINST AMERICA, with perhaps one of the most sorrowful scenes of a child eating cereal that I’ve ever read and will never forget.)

The main character in Ng’s novel is twelve-year-old Bird, touching and naïve as he goes off in search of his poet mother who has left him behind with his father. The novel explores motherhood and responsibility. Is it a mother’s job to secure safety for children just within the walls of home, or must we go into the world to try to secure safety for all children? How much can we do? I’m just halfway into the novel and I’m wrapped up in the story.

 

Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you can find many of the books I’ve recommend in the newsletter.

 



write

At the recent retreat.write.energize., a participant (did I mention she’s terrific?) who’d just finished up a long project asked, “How do you start something new? Do you have any advice for how to jump in?” I wanted to offer something meaningful and truthful. My first thought, “How should I know?” Once we got past the usual list of characters, desires, obstacles, setting, tension, I quietly sat for a moment longer and then added, “You’ve got to love your characters.”

Hold up, before you get excited, note I didn’t say your characters have to be loveable, I said you must love your characters. And by love, I mean you must believe in their f*cked-up humanity. You must be curious about them, make them multi-dimensional. The world is a very interesting place. Life is interesting. If you don’t love your characters enough to let them be bad actors, to recognize shreds of your own vanity, pettiness, and selfishness in them, and to love them anyway, I think you’ll have a hard time sustaining the long haul of writing a book. You must be accepting of the contradictions in people. The difficulties or weird things about people, the things that make them unhappy or unkind, the things that paralyze them, those are the things that make them stellar characters, not problems to be solved.

Extrapolating from that position…if we are able to love our characters, if we are agreeable with Charles Baxter’s assessment that, “Characters are under no obligation to be good, they just have to be interesting,” then perhaps we will find ourselves a little (a tiny bit?) more tolerant of one another in the world. We’re flexing our muscles of understanding and insight and we’re remaining curious.

 



eat

My poor husband is looking ahead to a bleak winter of joint replacement surgeries. We are going to be housebound for a good bit of time and won’t be traveling to be with family for Thanksgiving. Which is sad, sad, sad. In an effort to make things fun and interesting, I’m tossing out the traditional Thanksgiving feast because, well imperialism and historical misrepresentation…

On Instagram last year I read about someone who celebrates Hanksgiving and that’s what we’re going to do. This person, I wish I could remember who, makes an enormous Indian Feast and binges Tom Hanks movies with her family. I’m kind of excited! I’m hoping for a super rainy, super cozy day. I’m thinking about butter turkey, dahl, winter squash korma, sag paneer, basmati rice, and yes, okay, pumpkin pie.

Here’s the BUTTER CHICKEN recipe I will morph into Butter Turkey:

MARINADE

  • ½c whole-milk Greek yogurt
  • 1t fenugreek seeds (optional)
  • 4 garlic cloves, grated
  • 1T finely grated ginger
  • 2t kosher salt
  • 2lbs boneless, skinless chicken thighs (As mentioned above, I’m going to swap out for turkey)

SAUCE 

  • ½ c (1 stick) unsalted butter, divided
  • 1 3-inch cinnamon stick
  • 5 green cardamom pods
  • 1 whole clove
  • 2 t fenugreek seeds (optional)
  • 2 med onions, sliced
  • 2 serrano chiles, split lengthwise
  • Kosher salt
  • 4 garlic cloves, grated
  • 1 T finely grated ginger
  • 1 T garam masala
  • 1 t paprika
  • ½ t ground turmeric
  • 2 28-ounce cans whole peeled tomatoes
  • ½ c heavy cream
  • Chopped cilantro, steamed basmati rice, and naan (for serving)

MARINADE

Whisk yogurt, garlic, fenugreek, if using, ginger, and salt in a medium bowl. Add chicken and toss to coat. Cover and chill at least 1 hour and up to 3.

SAUCE AND ASSEMBLY

Step 1
Melt 4 Tbsp. butter in a large wide pot over medium heat. Cook cinnamon, cardamom pods, clove, and fenugreek seeds, if using, stirring, until slightly darker and fragrant, 1–2 minutes. Add onion and chiles, season with salt, and cook, stirring occasionally, until onion is golden and beginning to caramelize, 8–10 minutes. Add garlic and ginger and cook, stirring, until very fragrant and ginger starts to turn golden and sticks to bottom of pot, 2–3 minutes. Add garam masala, paprika, and turmeric and cook, stirring, until very fragrant, about 1 minute. Add tomatoes, breaking up into pieces with a spoon, and cook until brick red and most of the liquid is evaporated, about 1 minute. Using a potato masher or large spoon, smash tomatoes and continue to simmer, uncovered, until sauce is the consistency of a thick ragù, 40–50 minutes. Discard cinnamon stick (leave other whole spices).

Step 2
Transfer mixture to a blender and purée until smooth. Cut remaining 4 Tbsp. butter into pieces. Add butter and cream to blender and purée until creamy; season with salt. Return sauce to pot and bring to a simmer.

Step 3
Meanwhile, preheat broiler. Arrange chicken in a single layer on a wire rack set inside a foil-lined rimmed baking sheet. Broil until chicken starts to brown in spots (it will not be cooked through), 7–8 minutes per side. When cool enough to handle, cut into ¾” pieces. Add chicken to simmering sauce, cover, and cook until chicken is cooked through, 8–10 minutes.

Step 4
Top chicken and sauce with cilantro. Serve with rice and naan alongside.

Do Ahead: Butter chicken can be made 3 days ahead. Let cool; cover and chill.

And, if you have a favorite Tom Hanks movie we shouldn’t miss, drop me a line, I’m queueing up the viewing list.

**********

 

A little program note: I’ve been writing and sharing what I love for nearly 3 years! I love it and many of you write to let me know how much you enjoy my thoughts and recommendations, and for that I am truly grateful. Honestly, it makes my day to hear from readers. Also, it takes time and consideration to put my thoughts together twice a month. Maybe you’d like to show appreciation buy clicking below:

buy me a cup of coffee!☕️

 

**********

Just back from a visit to California to see friends and family, I’m short on Stanley photos. In lieu, and in honor of Halloween, here is a zombie baby living their best undead-life!
Please, remember to tell your people you love them,
xN

come sit at my table

By

It’s been a whirlwind here! I’m packing up, planning, scheduling, cooking, preparing for the first  retreat.write.energize. Like the ten amazing women joining me on the Oregon Coast, I’m a little nervous and a lot delighted to be spending a week with people for whom writing their stories is a calling, as it is for Annie Ernaux, our newest Nobel Laureate (one of only seventeen women to be lauded by the committee).

One of the many pleasures I’ve had in preparing for the retreat is in re-reading THE CRANE WIFE, by CJ Hauser, our retreat book, which I’ve already recommended to you in this newsletter. This time through, I am noticing friendships which stand out as if in neon. Her friends show-up, in joyful times, through sorrowful break-ups, when she must spread her grandparents’ ashes, when covid lockdown makes traveling home impossible. She has new friends, old friends, friends whom she has harmed and now seeks to repair. It’s a beautiful swath of connection, and it is making me aware of how I want to be in the world, what I want to emphasize. I want to be the friend who, if you find yourself suddenly in my town, I say “Your room is ready! Come sit at my table. You mean so much to me.” The NYT’s recently had an article about exactly this, making and keeping friends. The article says (I doubt lightbulbs will go off here, but):

…the quality people most appreciate in a friend is ego support, which is basically someone who makes them feel like they matter. The more you can show people that you like and value them, the better. 

The world is a tough room these days, friends and family are what will see us through.

 


read

I’ve been deep into student and editorial manuscripts these days. On the other side of my retreat, along with exploring Annie Ernaux’s books, I have a deep TBR list!

THE MOST HUMAN HUMAN, What Artificial Intelligence Teaches Us About Being Human, by Brian Christian. This book is totally out of my wheelhouse, and yet, CJ Hauser mentioned it in her book, and Krista Tippet recently mentioned it in her newsletter, The Pause:

The book begins with a loaded provocation regarding artificial intelligence: maybe it’s not so much that machines are encroaching on the distinct qualities we humans possess, but that, perhaps, we’ve been receding in our own humanity.

THE WONDER SPOT, by Melissa Bank. I’ve never read this collection by a writer who inspired me so much as a young woman. It was the follow up to her collection THE GIRLS GUIDE TO HUNTING AND FISHING, which I adored. I can’t wait to crack this one open.

REFUSE TO BE DONE, by Matt Bell. I learn so much from Bell’s newsletter, Writing Exercises how could I pass up his craft book?

Humor me with two more by favorite writers of mine:

THE HERO OF THIS BOOK, by Elizabeth McCracken. She is inventive, sly, and a writer of gorgeous sentences.

LUCY BY THE SEA, by Elizabeth Strout. She simply writes the best interiority of anyone. Plain and simple.

Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you can find many of the books I’ve recommend in the newsletter.

 



write

I was all set to write a rant here, in which I excoriated editors and agents (not all editors and agents) but those who don’t respond to writers. As I mentioned, the world is a tough room. We writers are making fools of ourselves in public every day, trying to show our insides on the outside with what we hope is meaningful and beautiful writing. Of course we won’t be everyone’s flavor, of course we will get it wrong. Please don’t leave us hanging. But I’m not going to write that rant. 

Instead I have a prompt. This sentence is from Joan Didion’s 1967 essay “Goodbye to All That.” 

When I first saw New York I was twenty, and it was summertime, and I got off a DC-7 at the old Idlewild temporary terminal in a new dress which had seemed very smart in Sacramento but seemed less smart already, even in the old Idlewild temporary terminal, and the warm air smelled of mildew and some instinct, programmed by all the movies I had ever seen and all the songs I had ever sung and all the stories I had ever read about New York, informed me that it would never quite be the same again.

I challenge you to use this sentence as scaffolding, as a flying buttress.

 

 

Write a serpentine sentence that reveals place, time, and character with as much verve as Didion does here. Invoke the senses. Send me your sentences! I’d love to read.

You can also try the Seven-Minute Sentence, a nifty prompt I’ve adapted from Janet Fitch:

When you feel dull and stymied in your work, try writing a serpentine sentence. Imagine a depleted helium balloon and the game of keeping the balloon aloft. That is your job with this long sentence. Replace periods w/commas, use connective words that keep a sentence going (where, but, while, and, too, except, until, then, surely, yes, anyway, maybe, still, so…etc…) Also, use lists! They are a great way to extend a sentence. Maybe write a list of the things your character would never do? Day drink? Wear pajamas to work? Eat steak tartar? Start your sentence with a dependent clause, for example:

Ever since she got home…
Across the room..
They walked out the front door…
When he first saw…

Now, set a timer and write.
 



eat

I love Pasta alla Norma. I mean, eggplant, cheese, tomato sauce, and pasta? What’s not to love. Thus I’m all in for making this, which I also found in the NYTs cooking App.

Eggplant Parmesan Pasta

  • ½ c extra-virgin olive oil
  • ¾ c panko bread crumbs
  • Kosher salt and black pepper
  • ½ c finely chopped yellow onion
  • 3 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1½ lbs eggplant, peeled and cut into ½-inch cubes (8 cups)
  • 2 T tomato paste
  • 1 (28-oz) can whole tomatoes, crushed with your hands in a bowl
  • basil sprig, plus ⅓ c chopped basil leaves
  • ¼ t dried oregano
  • 1 lb short pasta, such as rigatoni, fusilli or shells
  • 2 T freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
  • 8 oz fresh mozzarella, thinly sliced and at room temperature

Step 1
In a high-sided large skillet with a lid, heat 2 T of oil over medium. Add panko, season with salt and pepper, and cook, stirring constantly, until golden and crispy, about 2 minutes. Transfer to a plate. Set a large pot of salted water to boil.

Step 2
Wipe out the skillet and heat 2 T of oil over medium. Add onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened, about 2 minutes. Stir in garlic until fragrant, 30 seconds. Add eggplant and drizzle over the remaining ¼ c of oil. Season with salt and pepper, and cook, stirring occasionally, until eggplant is softened, about 8 minutes. Add in tomato paste and stir constantly until lightly caramelized on the bottom of the skillet, about 2 minutes. Add crushed tomatoes, basil sprig, oregano and 1½ c of water, and bring to a simmer over medium-high heat.

Step 3
Cover the skillet and reduce heat to medium. Cook, stirring occasionally and smashing some of the eggplant, until the eggplant is very tender and the sauce is thickened, about 15 minutes. Discard the basil sprig.

Step 4
Meanwhile, in the large pot of water, cook pasta according to package instructions until al dente. Reserve ½ c of pasta water and drain.

Step 5
Add cooked pasta, reserved pasta water and the eggplant sauce to the large pasta cooking pot, and cook over medium heat, stirring, until sauce thickens and coats the pasta, 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in ¼ c of the chopped basil.

Step 6
Add Parmesan to the panko and mix well. Divide the pasta in bowls and top each with some of the mozzarella. Sprinkle over cheesy breadcrumbs, and garnish with the remaining basil.

**********

 

A little program note: I’ve been writing and sharing what I love for nearly 3 years! I love it and many of you write to let me know how much you enjoy my thoughts and recommendations, and for that I am truly grateful. Honestly, it makes my day to hear from readers. Also, it takes time and consideration to put my thoughts together twice a month. Maybe you’d like to show appreciation buy clicking below:

buy me a cup of coffee!☕️

 

**********

Stanley says, “Why yes, I am a prince.”
Please, remember to tell your people you love them,
xN

Madame, are there stones in your luggage?

By

Do you feel a bit shamed when it is your suitcase that the TSA people pull aside for further inspection? I do. Traveling home from a recent visit with our daughter in Italy, the woman at the Milan airport heaved my suitcase from the conveyor belt.  

          “Madame, are there stones in your luggage?”
          Well, yes.

The stones on the shoreline in Camogli, Italy were hard to pass up. Smooth, dark as onyx, marked with circles and swirls of white—they are called wishing stones and I’d decided to bring some home as gifts. I thought my writer friends might put one on their desk, a place for their eye to land, or something to hold in their hand as they considered the next word, the next scene, what detail of setting would be perfect. 
          Alas, it was not to be. I was chastised for “stealing Italy.” I showed her the beautiful collection and said I hoped she would at least take them home, but she told me no. They were destined for the airport trash. How was that better?She did let me keep one and it is a place for my eye to land, to remember how we’d slip down to the Ligurian sea between the first espresso and our breakfast, to float and pretend Italy was our home. 
 

 


read

I’m thoroughly enjoying LESS IS LOST. Have you read LESS? It deservedly won the Pulitzer Prize in 2017, a terrific novel, by Andrew Sean Greer. And the follow up (which I’m listening to) is keeping me entranced as I walk around my neighborhood, combating jet lag, often laughing out loud. Greer is funny! A passage about a mediocre gay men’s chorus singing Leonard Cohen is particularly hilarious. But the novel is not always tra-la-la. We know comedy arises from pain and Greer smoothly transitions into the profound. Mixed with the humor are beautiful moments about love, loss, and perhaps not taking ourselves too seriously. (My favorite subject!) The writing is vivid and often gorgeous. Consider this passage when our hero, Arthur Less, has had a touching goodbye with his father, in the dark in South Carolina. He bears a lot of (not-unfounded) resentment towards his dad. And then he finds himself surprised by the exchange.
 
As for what Less came all this way to say, there is really no reason to say it out loud. Wind shakes rain loose from the Spanish moss and if falls to the road like a briefcase of diamonds. 

I wish I wrote that. 

Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you can find many of the books I’ve recommend in the newsletter.

 



write

When we left on our trip I had every intention of keeping a notebook. I wanted to try my hand at travel writing that wasn’t merely about place and food (we have phone cameras to document all that) but observations about people. Exchanges in which I learned about the world and about myself. And yet, I didn’t do it. I didn’t want to stop the experience of ‘living’ the trip to record the trip. 
 
Here are two moments: 
 
Before I left for Italy, I learned basic words: buongiorno, buona sera, grazie, un bicchiere di vino rosso, per favore.  I also learned to say, I’m sorry, as I thought it would be useful for when I bumped into people, or said the wrong thing, or took time gathering my euros to pay. After about ten days of this, some kind Italian said to me, “What do you think you are saying?”
         “I’m sorry,” I reported. 
          He smiled. “No you are not saying, mi dispiace. You are saying, mi piace. which means, I like you.”  
          Apparently I was bumbling along, getting in people’s way, giving the wrong amount of money, and announcing, “I like you. I like you.” Which is true. I did like the Italians I met. 
 

The maître d at breakfast will not let us take our plates to the veranda. He will not let us take coffee away in a real cup. He does not smile, and asks again and again, “Madame, what room are you in?” He is a large headed man in a dark blue suit, the pants shiny from wear. When I look in his face for signs of tenderness, I see none. What is he fiercely protecting? He lords over a crappy buffet with the worst eggs I’ve ever seen in a chaffing dish. And then, one morning he has spied us out the dining room window, swimming before the sun is up and when we arrive, hair wet, ready for our second espresso, he softens. The skin around his eyes puckers and I see when he smiles that his teeth are gapped and tobacco stained. We are now his favorites. He tells us places we must visit. Walks we must take. Every morning he stands at the window and waves at us in the sea. 
 
Why am I telling you this? Because I am encouraging you to take the time on a trip, to notice the goofy things you do, your missteps, your new friends, funny signs, fathers and their children, the pleasure in the fisherman’s face when he watches you bite into his fried anchovies.

 

                                                                   

 

I’m a little upset with myself for not recording more. How about you? Do you record your trip when you travel? Do you have secrets to share?

 

 



eat

We went to many a wonderful marché and I did very little cooking. One night, with pals in our Airbnb, Joel did BBQ a steak and I made a terribly French carrot salad. I have no recipe, but here’s what I did:

Carottes Râpées (otherwise known as, grated carrots)

Luckily there was a giant box grater in the kitchen, and I made short work of grating about 5-6 carrots on the large holes. Then I simply used what I had on hand. Briny green and black olives – pitted and chopped, but not too fine. A few glugs of olive oil.  Fresh lemon juice to taste (I like a lot!). A liberal sprinkling of black pepper and minced fresh rosemary, which grew by the roadside. Finally, a handful of chopped parsley and salt, which we did not have. The men-of-the-house merrily left to seek salt from the neighbors.
“Mon dieu, pas de sel! c’est une catastrophe,” said a delightful family who sent them home with an egg cup of salt.

Mix all the ingredients and set aside to marinate for at least 30 minutes. I served mounds of the salad atop the most gorgeous late summer tomatoes.

**********

 

A little program note: I’ve been writing and sharing what I love for nearly 3 years! I love it and many of you write to let me know how much you enjoy my thoughts and recommendations, and for that I am truly grateful. Honestly, it makes my day to hear from readers. Also, it takes time and consideration to put my thoughts together twice a month. Maybe you’d like to show appreciation buy clicking below:

buy me a cup of coffee!☕️

 

**********

I hope you and yours are well. I hope you’re embracing the change of season, and for those of you who celebrate, Shana Tova. May the new year bring sweetness into all our lives.

For your viewing pleasure, beautiful Camogli rocks. (Stanley will be back next time!)

 

via GIPHY

 

Please, remember to tell your people you love them,
xN

are you sludgy like me?

By

It’s been nearly ten-years since I went through all the breast cancer crap. I’d just published my first book, turned 50, was about to begin my audacious empty-nester life, when I received the breast cancer diagnosis. In a pique, I posted on social media that up to that moment, each time my phone buzzed with an unknown caller, I’d pretended it was Oprah, gushing. Hence forth unknown caller meant a different O–oncologist. (Sad trombone sound is appropriate here.) And yes, all is well. I’m grateful and happy and healthy.

But what I want to talk about is kindness and literary citizenship. After my family and inner circle heard my news, I wrote that sad-trombone post and my friend Cheryl responded immediately. She also responded immediately after my book was skipped over for an award. She also was the first writer I met in Portland, who made time to meet me, talk about the city, and about writing. She is a grand example of generous human and stand-up literary citizen. (Thank you, Cheryl!)

Now, it’s hot. I’m lethargic, and instead of turning into a sludgy-ice-cream-eater, I’ve turned myself into an imitation of Cheryl. I’ve been sending a lot of supportive emails and snail mails. I wrote fan letters to two writers. (Guess what? They both wrote back!) I’ve been meeting and supporting writers over zoom. I’ve connected a handful of writers and agents and editors. I took a writing class! I’ve been putting myself in the world in a positive way. You know, I don’t feel as sludgy, and a lovely friend sent me flowers!

Who can you send a little love note to? Who can you link up? I promise it will lift you!

 


read

’m antsy with excitement to read HYSTERICAL by Elissa Bassist. I just took a Funny Personal Essay class from her and let me say, she is hilarious, smart, quick, so generous, and she has a Yorkie named Benny who I know Stanley would love! Please, put HYSTERICAL on your TBR list. Here’s a description:

Growing up, Bassist’s family, boyfriends, school, work, and television had the same expectation for a woman’s voice: less is more. She was called dramatic and insane for speaking her mind; she was accused of overreacting and playing victim for having unexplained physical pain; she was ignored or rebuked like women throughout history for using her voice “inappropriately” by expressing sadness or suffering or anger or joy. 
           Because of this, she said “yes” when she meant “no”; she didn’t tweet #MeToo; and she never spoke without fear of being “too emotional.” So, she felt rage, but like a good woman, repressed it. In Hysterical, Bassist explains how girls and women internalize and perpetuate directives about their voice, making it hard to emote or “just speak up” and “burn down the patriarchy.” 

I’m nearly finished with THE LATECOMER, by Jean Hanff Korelitz and I’m conflicted. Two thirds through the novel, I despise all the characters. Either cruel or pathetic, I keep asking myself, why am I still reading? And yet… the writing is so strong. The plot keeps me deeply engaged. Who are these a-holes? Will they get their comeuppance? There’s a bit of a (pretend) mystery–for much of the book we are “supposed” to wonder who the hell is narrating. The novel has a wildly dysfunctional family. I promise, your family will shine so bright compared to these prigs. And then, Part 3! Finally someone to care about and now everyone seems redeemable. I’m having a hard time putting it down. I have a feeling there’s a group hug coming…in the best sense!

Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you can find many of the books I’ve recommend in the newsletter.

 



write

OMG! Please take a writing class—from me, from anyone. It is such a joy to be in a room with striving writers! Check Literary Arts, Grub Street, my teaching page, Lighthouse Writers Workshops, Hugo House, and Catapult for writing opportunities.

A prompt from my recent teacher, Elissa: Grab a book off your shelf and find a sentence. Here’s the one I found from the wonderful Lorrie Moore, in her collection, BARK “I watched her broad tan back and her confident gait. She was a gorgeous giantess. I was in awe to have such a daughter. Also in fear—as in fearful for my life.”

Elissa asks you to change up the sentence using the same parts of speech but making them your own. Here’s my sentence. “He heard her skittering footfalls and imagined her moving about the kitchen, scooping vanilla ice cream into a small bowl. She was a sugar-fairy, a hummingbird in the dark. He was in awe to have such a girlfriend who delighted him with midnight snacks. Also afraid, as in terrified that he would come to depend upon her playfulness.”

Your turn. Go forth. Find a sentence. Change it up. And then send it to me!



eat

I’m having a secret affair with ice cream bars. Throughout the day I obsess, I visit, take a nibble, and leave them open, in the freezer, awaiting my return.

 
I won’t give them up, and, here’s something that’s equally delicious and doesn’t take too much effort (remember? I’m sludgy.):

Midnight Pasta (from the NYTs)

  • 1 large head of garlic
  • Kosher salt
  • ½ c plus 1 teaspoon extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 c firmly packed parsley leaves
  • 1 lb. spaghetti
  • ½ t red-pepper flakes, plus more for garnish
  • Black pepper
  • Freshly grated Parmesan, for serving
  1. Heat oven to 400 degrees. Decapitate about ¼ inch off the head of garlic to expose the top of the cloves, place on a piece of foil, cut-side up. Sprinkle exposed cloves with salt, then drizzle with 1 t oil. Wrap the garlic in foil and roast until soft and golden brown, 40 to 50 minutes. Remove from oven, open the package and let the garlic cool.
  1. When you’re ready to make the pasta, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Finely chop the parsley leaves. Add pasta to the boiling water and cook according to package instructions until al dente. Reserve 1 cup of the pasta water, then drain the pasta.
  1. While the pasta cooks, in a large Dutch oven, heat remaining ½ cup oil over medium heat. Squeeze the roasted garlic cloves into the oil and cook, breaking them up with your spoon, until very fragrant, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the red-pepper flakes and a few generous grinds of pepper. Remove pan from heat to infuse the oil while the pasta finishes cooking.
  1. When the pasta’s done, heat the garlic oil, add the cooked pasta, ½ c reserved pasta water and the parsley, and simmer, tossing constantly and adding more pasta water as needed, until the pasta is glossed with sauce.
  1. Serve with more red-pepper flakes, black pepper and Parmesan.

**********

 

A little program note: I’ve been writing and sharing what I love for nearly 3 years! I love it and many of you write to let me know how much you enjoy my thoughts and recommendations, and for that I am truly grateful. Honestly, it makes my day to hear from readers. Also, it takes time and consideration to put my thoughts together twice a month. Maybe you’d like to show appreciation buy clicking below:

buy me a cup of coffee!☕️

 

**********

Stanley is so excited for the end of summer! It’s been too hot.  Hope your August brings you joy!
Please, remember to tell your people you love them,
xN

kiss the joy as it flies

By

I recently had an editing client who expressed disappointment regarding my edits of his work. And honestly, who can blame him? He said he’d been hoping for a note in which I crowed from the rooftops his skill, his humor, his insights. A “where have you been hiding yourself, you talented son-of-a-gun!?” letter. Isn’t that the letter we’re all aching to receive?

 

The thing is, there is no such thing as an overnight success. All those writers and painters and film makers, musicians and actors and chefs who have major successes… they’ve been at it for years, decades before they “burst” on the scene.My client’s very human response got me thinking about Oscar speeches and the joy we see on actor’s faces when they’re recognized for their heart’s work. Check out this one! Even still it makes me weep a little and smile a lot. Here is the poem he quotes.

In case you need a little solace for your creative heart, please do watch this, CONVERSATION WITH A WHALE.

 


read

I am one of those jerky people that thinks I won’t like what everyone else adores. If too many people are raving, I shrug, “probably not for me.” Well, let me tell you all the raves for FELLOWSHIP POINT , by Alice Elliot Dark are legit. It is a wonderful novel, a wide canvas, beautifully written. Dark’s main subject is friendship, the friend you’ve had since elementary school, the one you would call at two in the morning when your heart is broken. She also takes on environmentalism, the prison system, love (both requited and unrequited), motherhood, disappointing children, loyalty, marriage, and mental health. Miraculously the book does not break beneath the weight of–well, life. Supremely satisfying. If you’ve not read it, where have you been keeping yourself you son-of-a-gun?

I’m also reading HUSBANDRY, by Matthew Dickman, a poetry collection that’s also a memoir. The poems orbit what it means to be a husband, a father, a man who yearns to make a family and stumbles. One of the most touching moments for me is in the poem “Father,” in which Dickman cares for his sons, and at the same time, cares for his boyhood self.

I lift my three-
year-old up into the air

and then catch
him but also catch

myself. In the story of
my life I put

my arm around
my thirteen-year-old

But also around
myself. When I feed

them I feed
myself. When I cool

a fevered forehead
with a cold

rag I cool my own
anger. When I leave

I also return to them
and return

to myself. I know
there are

really three children
in the story of my life.

I must make a home
for each of them.

If you’d like a sample, here is his poem, “About Love,” which is from the collection.

Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you can find many of the books I’ve recommend in the newsletter.

 



write

It’s nearly time for the first day of school and I’ve got fun classes coming your way! I’ve got a workshop on Reading as a Writer, a two day class called Stamp Collecting, in which we approach memoir writing through the small vignettes that have snagged in our memories. And, a class on writing satisfying endings that leave room for imagining beyond the story’s close: Leave the Door Open on Your Way Out.

Do check my TEACHING page for information.

I’ve stumbled upon the wonderful newsletter from the writer, Matt Bell. His WRITING EXERCISES looks terrific and there is an archive!  So, anytime you’re feeling parched in the creative well, take a peek. 



eat

I’ve made this three times!

Chop Salad á la Nancy Silverton, from Food 52

FOR THE VINAIGRETTE

  • 2 1/2 T red wine vinegar
  • 2 T dried oregano
  • Freshly squeezed juice from 1/2 lemon (1 T), or more to taste
  • 2 medium cloves garlic, 1 smashed flat and 1 grated
  • 1/2 t kosher salt, plus more to taste
  •  freshly ground black pepperto taste
  • 1 1/2 c extra-virgin olive oil

FOR THE SALAD

  • 1/2 red onion, cut in half from top to bottom
  • 1 generous head of romaine lettuce
  • 1 head radicchio
  • 1 pint sweet cherry tomatoes, such as Sun Golds cut into quarters
  • Kosher salt
  • 1 1/2 c no-salt-added chickpeas, drained
  • 1/3 lb aged provolone, cut into big matchsticks
  • 1/3 -1/2 lb roasted chicken meat, light and dark or your preference, shredded
  • 5 pepperoncini (stems discarded), cut into thin slices (about 1/4 cup)
  • Freshly squeezed juice from 1/2 lemon, or more to taste
  • Dried oregano for sprinkling

FOR THE VINAIGRETTE

  1. Whisk together the vinegar, oregano, lemon juice, the smashed garlic and grated garlic and the salt and pepper in a medium bowl. Let the mixture rest for 5 minutes (to marinate the oregano). Add the oil in a slow, steady stream, whisking constantly to form an emulsified vinaigrette. Taste for seasoning, and add salt or lemon juice as needed. You’ll use up to 1/2 cup for this salad, and the remainder can be refrigerated for another use.
FOR THE SALAD
  1. Separate the layers of the onion and stack two or three layers on top of one another, then cut them lengthwise into 1/16-inch-wide strips. Repeat with the remaining onion layers. Place the onion in a small bowl of ice water to sit while you prepare the rest of the ingredients. Drain the onion and pat dry with paper towels before adding to the salad. DO NOT SKIP THIS!
  2. Cut the romaine lettuce in half through the core. Remove and discard the outer leaves. Separate the lettuce leaves, stack two or three leaves on top of one another, then cut them lengthwise into 1/4-inch-wide strips. Repeat with the remaining leaves; thinly slice the radicchio in the same way.
  3. Cut the tomatoes in half, season them with salt to taste, and toss gently.
  4. Combine the lettuce, radicchio, tomatoes, chickpeas, provolone, salami, peperoncini and onion in a large, wide bowl. Season with salt to taste, and toss to thoroughly combine. Drizzle 6 tablespoons of the vinaigrette over the salad, then sprinkle with the lemon juice; toss gently to coat the salad evenly. Taste, and add the remaining 2 tablespoons of the vinaigrette, plus salt and/or lemon juice as needed.
  5. Transfer the salad to a large platter or divide it among individual plates, piling it like a mountain. Sprinkle the dried oregano leaves on top and serve.
I promise you, it’s so delicious. Hearty, cold, crunchy, salty and sweet.

**********

 

A little program note: I’ve been writing and sharing what I love for nearly 3 years! I love it and many of you write to let me know how much you enjoy my thoughts and recommendations, and for that I am truly grateful. Honestly, it makes my day to hear from readers. Also, it takes time and consideration to put my thoughts together twice a month. Maybe you’d like to show appreciation buy clicking below:

buy me a cup of coffee!☕️

 

**********

I managed to sneak in a waterfall hike. Unfortunately no dogs allowed, so Stanley was home, eating ice cream bars, watching OZARK. (He can go dark, that little Stanley!)
Please, remember to tell your people you love them,
xN

the mortician’s delightful giggle

By

I’m just back from my hometown and a visit with my 82-year-old mother.

She’s experiencing some slippage and convincing her to accept support around her home creates (ahem) strife and worry. I want her to be more secure, to have a bit of company, but my mother is a hard NO. As a friend told me, my mother knows what she wants, and everyone has the right to folly.The push and pull has got me wondering why we have a hard time accepting help. Perhaps we don’t want to be burdensome. Perhaps we’re embarrassed to admit we can’t do it on our own. We’ve internalized the Horatio Alger myth that we should all bootstrap ourselves into doing just-fine-thank-you. It’s as if pride and shame and capitalism have clogged our capacity to receive. Self-sufficiency bests mutual aid.

But doesn’t needing help make us human? By asking for a hand don’t we set the example that it’s okay to be vulnerable? With every casserole, basket of clean laundry, and watered garden, with every gesture of kindness that we accept, we allow the pleasure of caring for one another to flourish. Don’t we all ultimately wish to be overlong in our gratitude?

 


read

I’ve just finished CJ Hauser’s, THE CRANE WIFE, a memoir in essays. Oh my, what a gorgeous book! Honestly, I felt so bereft after I finished I began to read it again. I want to buy 10 copies to give away to the people I love. I may choose the book as the community read for my writing retreat this autumn. Not only do I love the way she writes—with clarity, compassion, and curiosity—but I adore her voice, her nimble mind. She is frank. She is funny. She is gifted with a capacious heart. I wish I found myself beside her on a long-haul flight and she felt like chatting with her adoring seatmate, me!

In one essay, “Siberian Watermelon,” she talks about why readers don’t find many happy short stories, she notices how boring a happy love story is on the page. “What’s there to tell?” she asks. And then she talks about her father.

Who always loved me in ways I felt and knew and could rely on. And if that doesn’t sound radical to you? Doesn’t seem worth writing about? You’re wrong. To have a person, any person in this life who offers you that kind of love, is a goddamned miracle. It’s more than most of us get. I’ve decided that this is also a kind of love story. Maybe the best that a person can hope for.

Thank you, CJ Hauser!

Please do take a moment to read this beautiful  essay, Cancer and Motherhood, by my friend and student, Elyse Chambers. In it she writes about motherhood, cancer, and abortion access. I wish we’d all tell our abortion stories. Not just the ones that deal with health crises or violence, but the stories about seeking an abortion because we just got accepted to grad school, we don’t want to be a single mom, or we made a mistake, or we want to go to the arctic. Women should have the right choose their own adventure. Why do I even have to type that?

 

Just a quick reminder, I’ve created a read.write.eat. Bookshop Store, where you can find many of the books I’ve recommend in the newsletter.

 



write

I’ve got some prompts for you:

  1. The Mortician’s Delightful Giggle: Write a very short story that is a secret love letter to an old flame or a movie star. To ensure it doesn’t turn overly precious, use one or more of these words: vermin, mortician, cottage cheese, disposal.
  2. Remember a swimsuit that you loved. One in which you felt comfortable, so comfortable that if someone broke up with you while you were wearing said swimsuit, you’d still feel badass! Start a story or a memoir piece with, “I was wearing my bikini the day…” For inspiration check out John Updike’s story, A&P
  3. Write about a time you refused help. Write about a time someone refused your help.

Under the heading of VERY exciting news, I’ll be teaching in Collioure, France in June of 2023! My smart and delightful friend, Karen Karbo, runs retreats in her adopted home in the South of France. COME TO YOUR SENSES promises to be a week of generative writing, new friendships, and rejuvenation. Come to France!

 

For more opportunities to work together, check the updated TEACHING page.

 



eat

It’s so flipping hot in Portland. I’m offering you a simple recipe that requires neither heat nor stirring.

Fresh Fig, Tomato and Blue Cheese Salad

  • 1 T balsamic vinegar
  • ¼ t fine sea salt
  • ¼ c extra-virgin olive oil
  • 3 T pine nuts or Marcona almonds, chopped
  • 1 lg or 2 sm ripe tomatoes, about 8 ounces, thinly sliced
  • ½ lb fresh figs, cut into quarters
  • 1 oz crumbled blue cheese, like Rogue River Blue
  •  Black pepper
  • A couple tablespoons of chopped herbs (parsley? thyme? mint? chives? All 4?)
  1. In a small bowl, whisk together vinegar and salt. Whisk in oil.
  2. If you’re using pine nuts place a small skillet over medium-low heat, toast pine nuts, shaking the pan occasionally, until light golden, about 2 minutes. Be keen eyed or they will burn.
  3. Arrange tomato slices on a large plate. Scatter fig quarters and nuts of choice over tomatoes. Sprinkle with cheese and herbs, drizzle with dressing and finish with pepper.
  4. Please feel free to change up the ratio! Use as much damn cheese as you like!

 

**********

 

A little program note: I’ve been writing and sharing what I love for nearly 3 years! I love it and many of you write to let me know how much you enjoy my thoughts and recommendations, and for that I am truly grateful. Honestly, it makes my day to hear from readers. Also, it takes time and consideration to put my thoughts together twice a month. Maybe you’d like to show appreciation buy clicking below:

buy me a cup of coffee!☕️

 

Which brings me to Joni Mitchell. Did you see this clip of her surprise performance at the Newport Folk Festival? Joni in her jaunty beret! Belting out her songs! What slayed me was that everyone on stage—supporting her, reveling in her joy—was seated. I assume because of her age and the aneurysm she suffered in 2015, Joni can’t stand for too long. Every musician sat with Joni, beside Joni. That was beautiful. That was caring. That was love.

Stanley and his pal Millie are a mutual aid society for dropped morsels of food!

 

Please, remember to tell your people you love them,
xN

watch.listen.snack.

By

Hey ho!

 

It feels like every time I send you a watch.listen.snack. email I’m fighting an uphill battle with laughter and light. The world right now, under the thumb of SCOTUS, seems frightening. In the + column, I am proud to have my abortion story up at The Today Show newsletter. In it I talk about my mother’s inability to get an abortion in 1961 and the hardships she suffered, right alongside my ability to get an abortion in 1988 and how that access made me a better woman, wife and mother. (My title for the piece was “Abortion: A Love Story”) Here’s my mother and father, in 1959.

 

In yoga this morning I came up with the idea that I need an FOL: Fortress of Light. How about you? We only get one go round, thus I’m going to fight hard to make it happy enough.

Did you catch this op-ed in the NYTs: How I Build a Good Day When I’m Full of Despair at the World  I’ll admit, she almost lost me when she spoke about drinking her coffee and staring out at the lake—without recognizing her privilege. A lot of us stare out at our neighbor’s house, or cars parked on the street. If you can overlook her the blind spot, there’s good advice. Indeed the world is both terrible and beautiful.

How’s this little gem for your FOL? Ringtone Dance Moves.  I know! And then there was a piece in the times about taking up a hobby as a way to front load for joy, and I thought, maybe I should make my own dance moves? My own ringtones? Do you have a hobby? Is it a little weird? Do tell!

 

 


watch

A pal recommended CHA CHA REAL SMOOTH and boy am I glad they did! I don’t want to give any spoilers, so I’ll just say, this movie had a GIANT heart. I loved that it busted from the entertainment stereotypes that most men are either sitcom dufuses (Homer Simpson), or misogynistic jerks (Don Draper). Honestly, I found myself stuck in the training American movies and tv have provided me, I was waiting for violence that didn’t arrive, for cruelty. I also love that mental health issues, though present, were not center stage. People simply live with their mental health struggles, like real life. Do watch. It’s on Apple+.

Emma Thompson in GOOD LUCK TO YOU, LEO GRANDE is spectacular. I loved this movie. In case you don’t know, it’s about a woman in her 60s who hires a sex worker because she’s never had an orgasm. If you’d like to expand your way of thinking regarding sex work, women’s bodies, crossing boundaries, sincere and life affirming apologies, self-acceptance (and dare I say the revolutionary concept of SELF-LOVE), stream it on HULU.  Here’s a wonderful interview with Thompson.



listen

We’ve been to two concerts. SAMARA JOY won the 2019 Sarah Vaughan International Jazz Vocal Competition. Of course she did! Her voice is thrilling, her band is terrific and she was a joy to watch.

Also, TROMBONE SHORTY! He has the summer vibe I want in my FOL (Fortress of Light, remember from up top?)! We danced our butts off!

 

Finally, do you have a theme song? You know, the song you’d want playing ahead of your entrance to a party, the grocery store, your favorite coffee house? I’ve had different ones at different times in my life. For a while I was really into this! (Please, do yourself a favor and click on the link!) Lately I’ve been into LADY BRI’s, Do What I Do. How about you? I think we need to make a playlist! Send me your song and I’ll share the list in another letter. Please! Do it. I’m excited to build it.



snack

We’ve got this salad on repeat!
Sugar Snap Pea Salad w/Radishes, Feta & Mint
(a riff on a NYTs recipe)

  • ¾ c sliced radishes
  • 1 ¼ c sugar snap peas, sliced
  • 1 c feta cheese, crumbled
  • ½ c mint leaves, torn
  • 1 clove garlic, minced
  • Pinch kosher salt, more to taste
  • 1 T freshly squeezed lemon juice
  • 1 t balsamic vinegar
  • 3 T extra virgin olive oil
  • Freshly ground black pepper to taste

 

  1. In a large bowl, toss radishes, peas, feta and mint.
  2. Using a the side of a knife make a paste of the garlic and salt. Place in a small bowl and add the lemon juice and balsamic vinegar and stir well to combine. Drizzle in the olive oil, stirring constantly, and add pepper to taste.
  3. Pour dressing over salad and toss well to combine.
  4. Taste and add more salt and pepper if necessary.

 

 

Stanley waiting patiently for gelato! (Vanilla is his FOL.)
Please, remember to tell your people you love them.
Happy Living!

xN